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autofocus

by No Yonder

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1.
Forgot what I was racing for I sold the car for parts And took my remaining winnings and spent them Down at the liquor store And everyone’s so surprised At my trajectory I took a downward turn somewhere on my Meteoric rise And so a lifelong dream becomes just a waste of time So who was I To try and defy The precepts of the powerful and wise With glass held high And my spirit running dry I’ll make one final toast to my demise They all say I got too old I lost my edge and gave up Any sense of ambition or Achieving lofty goals So now I just sit at home I watch the qualifiers And talk about how racing’s changed And the game has lost its soul And I sound just like my old man did years ago So who was I To try and defy The precepts of the powerful and wise With glass held high But my spirit running dry I’ll raise one final toast to my demise
2.
Title Tracks 03:48
Cross my heart and bite my lip While you prick the ends of my fingertips I want to see if there’s read blood after all Sit on your hands and bide your time As we wait to let the stars align Hope you weren’t in a hurry for results And I’ll repeat the same lines every tim e Amateurs like me sure know how to force a rhyme Cliches and platitudes Make excellent title tracks But when I put my faith in them I never get anything back Change my name another time Let’s see if this is the one that feels right 27th time’s the charm Or so I’m told We’ll give it the old college try What is yours will soon be mine I always knew how to take just what I want The proverbs and phrases get so tired Repeating dead mean we all once admired Repeating Alternate Chorus Love and selflessness Are great ways. to seem virtuous But you cannot escape the fact That you’re acting out of self interest New friends and acquaintances add up so fast you can’t keep track But you’ll be tired before too long Once you realize you can’t love them back Cliches and platitudes make. excellent title tracks But when I put my faith in them I never get anything back
3.
Steel Trap 02:48
I used to have a steel trap Now I have a tin foil hat So if you ask what’s on my mind You know where I’m at I used to be a sharp one Now I’m as dull as they come Add up my parts You’ll get a whole lot less than the sum Cause things don’t change So much as depreciate Time, rust, wind, and rain Will do us all away And you could stay If I knew what to say The things that I can’t save Can’t be replaced I used to be a fast gun Now I’m a thief on the run My back’s to the door And the chase has only begun I used to go on late nights And wait until friendships ended in fights But now I’m too old and tired To care if I was right Too drunk to stand Too sober to smile Knife in my hand Going stubborn and wild Calling you home With the same old tune I’d probably be gone If I were you
4.
We were singing in the dark Swedish Sisters on the stage When you’ve wandered way too far You’re just glad a friend will stay I got home and lost my mind Trying to fabricate a haze Cigarettes from time to time Drinking nearly every day And it’s nobody’s fault It just took a little too long To dig my way out Doesn’t matter what you know Even when evidence surrounds You’ll still cave into doubt We were sitting on the lawn Statues staring from afar When you told me we were wrong We misread our Tarot cards It’s been so long now I forget How I got swept up in the flood But it hasn’t killed me yet I’ll wait for the toxins in my blood And I guess it’s not your fault It just took a little too long To tell me how you felt But I learned from the best I’ll play pretend Until my dying breath
5.
She’s got a crystal ball in her pocket Stares into the future fifty times a day Took all her silver and melted it into a bullet But doesn’t know of any creatures to slay She does her makeup staring in a broken mirror But always looks just like a painted doll Walks herself to work passing under every ladder But never worries if one’s gonna fall Her grandmother handed down superstitions But she doesn’t believe them all Inheritance is so fickle Choose which lies you want to adopt She’s dreaming and sleepwalking in the moonlight Waiting for the first dawn to break Hears the voice of God in the crackling static But isn’t sure what there is to say She lights a candle for everyone who shares her worries But refuses to take a knee and pray Thinks that chaos is always coming round the corner But she’s ready to be carried away Sometimes she wants to cry out, just desperate to be found As long as her heart is beating she’s never going to make a sound
6.
Overcome by an overwhelming sense of obligation I shredded all my documents and went down to the metro station I sat down on those plastic seats where you said that you and I would meet I watched trains pass by for hours But gave up when you never showed Ten years on and no time served and no conviction I’ve run out of my funds travelling west with no direction Just shy of being destitute I place a collect call to you But no surprises, the line is dead, you’re never any help Was it love or loneliness That led me to your arms to rest Was it trust or fear of death That made us keep these empty threats? Stowed away on a semi headed south of the border Practiced my high school spanish, fading fast as I grow older Hoping I can start again I started selling for some new friends The work is hard, but the money’s good I guess that this is how it ends Some nights I think about loading up on weapons Trekking up to your new house and finally getting some kind of vengeance But I don’t know where you’ve gone And all the leads have had it wrong I just hope you’re sleeping soundly with a knife burried in your back
7.
Idealist 03:29
I miss your face A thought I find perplexing Such distance should make no difference When we’re so far apart I once knew a way But that road’s been gone for ages And when I went to show you It was much too late to start And when I wander down your street Feeling for your doorbell in the dark I wonder if you’ll open up and let me in Or tell me I shouldn’t have walked so far We are ideal We only exist in theory We know that if this were real We’d destroy it much too easily Such selfishness Can only come with practice I’ve trained for years And soon will be the heavyweight champ Don’t say you disagree The secrets we’ve been keeping Will eat us both alive Just as soon as they get the chance Pre-chorus And when I see the morning light Streaming through the blinds like some old friend I sigh and wonder if I have the strength To wake up and try to do this again We are ideal We only exist in theory We know that if this were real We’d destroy it much too easily Sometimes I think you’re speaking But I really can’t be sure I’m willfully deaf to you I’ve forgotten all the words To desperate to be angry To dumb to be afraid We sleep inside this burning building Hoping we’ll be saved
8.
Hold Out/On 04:25
I’m white-knuckled, black and blue From losing my fights each night with you I see you dancing ‘round my room With the lights out, you leave me blind Each morning I hold my pounding head Wondering when I’ll feel myself again I got shelves full of books I haven’t read They’ve got answers somewhere inside And I can run in circles five miles wide Repeating all your tired advice Hold out For a phone call Hold on To your friends Hold out Until nightfall Hold on To the one thought left in your head I’m tearing out my hair again Knowing I’m too old to play pretend But I’ll write my name in wet cement The second I get the chance Then i’ll call you up late at night Pretending to care if you’re alright Convince me that you sympathize And you can lead me by the hand And you can teach me to take off and then crash land Echoing every word you said Hold out Til it feels new Hold on Til the end Hold out Like they told you Hold on Even if it’s just pretend
9.
Wayne 03:18
Wayne wants to be a country star Sing gospel blues and play guitar He says he won’t go to the bars Cause he made some kind of deal with God Wayne carries round grocery bags Full of old CDs and soda cans He wants to memorize his favorite hymns For when he’s the singer in his own band But it’s never gonna happen Then again who am I to judge He’s allowed to dream Just like the rest of us But we’ve all gotta know when we’ve been beat When we’re never really where we’re supposed to be It’s so damn hard to admit defeat But Wayne and I need to give up on our dreams Wayne gets mocked by younger men In baseball caps and khaki pants But dreams of marrying his best friend When he’s clean enough to work again But we all know he’s going nowhere Then again, neither am I We both stagger down the sidewalk Just begging for a fight Wayne found me on the streets one night With magnolias draped in Christmas lights Said he was turning round his life And lifted prayers up for me on high
10.
I’m tired of waking up just to go back to sleep I’ve been tossing and turning, avoiding my dreams I kill enough hours to mortally wound the day But by nightfall the day and I are just the same I’m gonna start a punk band ten years too late I’m gonna throw off the yoke of the way I was raised I’m gonna meet the Chief Justice and I’m gonna spit in his face And God willing I’ll be locked up or taken away You’re an open book with torn out pages So I guess I could never read you anyway We’re all singing the same melody The same old turn of phrase Buy your parents’ house Settle down and earn your pay I don’t know what it is I learned That keeps me so afraid But I take all of my pills Though they aren’t helping anyway I deserted the frontlines before the shots ever rang I’m a coward, so warfare was never my thing But I’ll get down in the trenches and finally risk it all And when the revolution comes I hope I’m last against the wall And a hero’s death sounds nice on paper But until we know for sure, let’s just wait I don’t know how we got so loud I’m hoping we can turn it down We’ll have to keep on trying to breathe Until there’s nothing left to do but bleed

about

When I was about 5 years old, my grandmother, Nana, came to visit my family in Florida. She’s from North Georgia, where she raised my mother and where we’ve had nearly all of our family Christmases. During her visit, she said something involving the word “Yonder.” Either telling me to “go over in yonder” or “it’s over yonder” - that’s not the part we remember. Apparently I responded “Nana, we don’t have a yonder.” My whole life, this story of something silly I said as a kid has been repeated to me.

About 20 years later, I was on a bench outside of a Hamerick’s in Fort Oglethorpe, GA with Nana. Nana recalled that story once again, and we chuckled about it. But on hearing that story again, something dawned on me: that story is a bit indicative of my entire life.

I was born in Florida (I guess I’m technically a Florida man), but my family moved back to Georgia when I was 6 years old. I have many childhood memories of staying with Nana and being in rural Georgia. I’d go to my uncle’s cattle farm, play out in the garden by the chicken house, and attend a church where they sing a capella with an extra high harmony that I can’t explain. But those are mainly asides in a life that has mostly been middle class, suburban, and frankly easy. And this has always caused a conflict in the music I make.

In my youth, I loved alternative rock. I wanted so badly to be the next Weezer or Foo Fighters, and the first bands I was in reflect that. But I don’t write rock songs naturally. I always adopted an affectation that never felt natural. And as I grew older, I fell in love with folk and country music. In my later college years I wanted to be Justin Townes Earle or a new Johnny Cash, but that felt disingenuous as well. Writing folk songs came to me much more naturally, but performing those songs about trains and Nashville didn’t feel quite right. My speaking accent isn’t that Southern, but I was singing with an accent to fit the songs, and I started to feel wrong about it. Then in law school, I had my latent emo-revival phase. That was a turning point. The emotions I wanted to demonstrate in folk songs were present in emo and indie rock, and those sounds felt more like me.

I felt that I had to bridge the gap between these aspects of myself. My roots are Southern, but my life has been more monoculturally American. I started to find a sound that was both of these things. It gave me the freedom to write what I wanted, but it was in my voice, comprised of equal parts country, rock, and emo. And I knew I would need to do this as a band.

I had been releasing songs under my own name, and while I felt good about attributing the work to myself, I felt limited by being a "singer songwriter." I write in a range of styles and it's hard for them to all live under some guy's name, but a band can host lots of different sounds and unify them. A band would let me feel more comfortable writing in different characters and across genres. I started to notice that most of my favorite bands started as one guy using a name, and then grew into a band. The Mountain Goats, Bright Eyes, Slaughter Beach, Dog, Wilco and others are the creative output of one person with collaborators and friends painting new layers on their songs. That's what I wanted to do.

I had been deciding on this course for some time when I was sitting on that bench with Nana. When she brought up that story I decided that should be the name of this group: No Yonder. That story, and thus the name, is the epitome of my suburban upbringing bumping up against my roots, and that dichotomy was something I could navigate with this band.

A year or two went by and I kept writing songs. The first song that really felt like a leap forward was the first song on this record. I was playing with the phrase "Delusions of Grandeur" and it morphed into "Dale Loses a Grand Tour." So I wrote a song about a guy who showed promise in his youth as a racer, but it fell apart. The chords were suspended and "emo," but the melody was deeply country. I felt like my songwriting had leveled up and this is what the band would sound like. I kept writing, and more songs that fit this mold followed.

So in August of 2020, in order to make a year without music have a modicum of productivity, I decided to go into the studio. Annie Leeth, who engineered my last album, was now working at Maze in Atlanta, so I got a group together and went there to record. The group was Ryan Moore on drums, Tyler Key on guitar, and Garrett Hibbs on bass. All of them are great musicians and they made tracking as smooth as it could imaginably be. In a single weekend we did the basic tracking of 10 songs. The following year I came back one weekend and did overdubs, then one more weekend to mix. For the first time ever I felt like I really took my time. There was no rush to get the songs out since the band couldn't perform live yet, so I was able to listen to them a lot and add every layer I might want to add. There's nothing on this record that makes me go "I wish I would have fixed that," or makes me cringe, because I had the time to find those things and fix them. Any remaining imperfections are flaws that I chose to embrace rather than regret.

There was one other thing though: the name of the record. I knew I wanted my friend Cole Williamson to do a photo for the cover, but didn't know what it would be. Cole asked me what the themes of the record were so he could come up with some ideas. And most of these songs deal with the same things. Having high expectations for yourself, hyper fixating on a goal or a dream, and then it not coming to fruition. And Cole pitched the name “autofocus,” which I loved. These songs were about following assumptions about yourself. Automatically doing what you feel you are supposed to do, and then the fallout of not being able to do it. These narrators are all operating from a state of autofocus. From there, we came up with the cover, which I was hesitant to appear on, but blurring out my face seemed thematically appropriate.

And with that, we have a record. I think it’s my best work ever. I’m sometimes daunted by how to follow it, but I’m proud of these songs and will remain so for years to come. And the main source of this pride is that I picked some of the best collaborators I could have asked for, and I’m deeply thankful to each and every one of them. Even if this starts as just me, I want it to feel like a band and to be as collaborative as possible, so this isn’t my record, it’s ours.

I hope you enjoy our first record. I hope you find it a comrade when it’s hard being human. When your autofocus has left things blurry, you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself, be kind to each other, hold out, hold on, all that good stuff. Thanks.
Brad Gerke, August 25, 2021

credits

released August 27, 2021

Brad Gerke - Vocals, Guitar, Keys
Tyler Key - Electric Guitar, Pedal Steel, Keys, Backing Vocals
Ryan Moore - Drums, Backing Vocals
Garrett Hibbs - Bass, Backing Vocals
Annie Leeth - Violin
Jessica Gerke - Backing Vocals
Beth Marcinko - Backing Vocals
Ryan Lachacz - Backing Vocals
Michael Marcinko - Backing Vocals

Produced and Engineered by Annie Leeth
Mastered by Joel Hatstat
Album Art by Cole WIlliamson

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No Yonder Atlanta, Georgia

Blending folk, rock, and a touch of emo, No Yonder brings a southern sensibility to indie rock.

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